


Touch

by TheBeautifulLove



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst, Arguments, Canon Compliant, Curse Breaking, Curses, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Or Is It?, Pain, Swearing, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-20 17:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21060521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBeautifulLove/pseuds/TheBeautifulLove
Summary: This time he crosses the line.'Even if you were sick with some incurable disease, where I had to touch you, just to keep you alive, I still wouldn’t! Do you understand that?!' Mark exclaims in anger and on the other side of an invisible barrier, evil spirits are listening.Soon enough Donghyuck falls ill and nobody knows what's wrong.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
I'm back with markhyuck.  
I don't know how to feel about this work,  
I started it so long ago but I wanted to finish and post it anyway.  
Hope you enjoy! This is only part 1, the second and final part is coming soon :) xx

They’re arguing again. 

This time too it’s because of Donghyuck’s disrespect of Mark’s personal space. The younger has promised to reduce his skin-ship impulses to a minimum around Mark, promised to direct them to someone else but sometimes he forgets – or at least that’s what he claims every time - after throwing himself at the older boy. 

Usually, Mark just rolls his eyes and pushes him away gently but firmly. Donghyuck, although often reluctantly, usually leaves him alone then and everything is fine. 

However, this time Mark was in a particularly bad mood, in the middle of working on his rap lyrics, which are not going so well when the tanned boy latched onto him, enveloping Mark in a sudden back hug. Mark went crazy with anger, claiming the younger has made him forget a golden verse that just came to his head that, as the older claimed, would make the whole song. 

‘Now you’re just making stuff up, hyung!’ Donghyuck huffs annoyed, arms crossed on his chest. 

Mark narrows his dark, big eyes at him. ‘I actually hate you, you know.’ He sighs, closing his eyes and squeezing his hands into fists by his sides. ‘Okay, let me try again and hopefully this time, it manages to get through your thick skull and reach your tiny brain.’ He opens his eyes again, gets closer and his voice becomes cold and poisonous like venom. 

Donghyuck swallows nervously. He knows he made the other furious and right now he’s actually a bit scared. 

‘Even if you were sick with some incurable disease where I had to touch you just to keep you alive, I still wouldn’t! Do you understand that?! I don’t want you touching me all the time and I don’t want you so close to me all the fucking time either! You’re suffocating me!’ 

The vocalist hears the words loud and clear; he watches his hyung leave the room, slamming the door shut behind him with a bang but Donghyuck just stands there with eyes wide open and heart in his throat. He’s never seen the other like that. 

After what seems like eternity he sits on his bed and starts to cry. Tears just flow down his cheeks and he lets them. 

What can he do when the person he’s let himself fall in love with so easily, so naturally like there was no other way in the universe but for him to love Mark Lee with all his fragile heart, tells him he wouldn’t care much if he were dead? 

Another wave of hot tears flows at the thought and he lies down in his bed, closing his eyes, completely exhausted. 

It’s dark outside when he wakes later. His eyes itch, probably from the earlier crying and the way too long nap. His throat hurts, mouth and lips dry like a desert. Yawning, he gets up and walks slowly towards the kitchen, which is empty at this late hour. 

Donghyuck gets a bottle of water and drinks straight from it, supporting himself with his other hand on the cold counter. He’s so thirsty, he just keeps drinking and his body feels slightly weak, unlike himself. When he’s done, he decides to take the bottle to his room along with whatever is left in it, when suddenly the light he didn’t bother to turn on, illuminates the room. 

Taeyong stands there with a sleepy look on his sharp features. 

‘Why aren’t you asleep yet?’ He asks, voice deep and raspy. 

‘Just woke up from a nap actually but I'm still tired. I’m going now, don’t worry, hyung.’ 

The older squints at him for a second. ‘Get lots of rest, we have a lot to do tomorrow. You look really tired Haechan-ah.’ 

The younger just nods and leaves the other alone, heading to his room. He lies down in the bed but it feels really hot and he thinks he can feel headache coming on, so he gets up again and decides to take a painkiller. 

He swallows the pill with the water he brought from the kitchen and hopes he’s not catching a cold on top of all his other problems. 

*** 

‘Are you okay?’ someone asks but the voice is distant and hard to hear properly because of the ringing in his ears. 

‘Heachan?’ It’s Jaehyun. Only now Donghyuck focuses enough to recognise the voice without having to look up from where he’s staring at the floor, bent down, hands on his thighs. 

‘Yeah, fine, hyung. Just this choreo is difficult, I’m trying to process it.’ He lies quickly and looks up at the older but that turns out to be a bad decision because the sudden movement makes him dizzy and Jaehyun’s handsome face becomes a weird blur for a few seconds before his eyes adjust again. 

‘Are you sure?’ There is a hand rubbing his shoulder that has always brought comfort before but now it burns weirdly where it touches and it’s not very pleasant at all. The longer it stays there, no matter how good the other vocalist’s intentions are, it starts to really hurt, the pain drills down to his bones. It’s weird but Donghyuck is too tired to think about it, so he just gently removes the hand and tries to smile. 

‘Totally.’ 

Jaehyun looks confused and the younger takes a deep breath. He feels ill but it doesn’t feel like a typical flu or a cold or whatever else he had before although his head feels like it’s about to explode. It just feels off. Like something is draining him of all his energy. Like he’s craving something and doesn’t know what it could be. A remedy. Yet the painkillers or the vitamins that he took didn’t help and neither did the long, hot shower this morning. 

They’re back to practicing and as soon as the song starts Donghyuck’s legs feel like jelly but he gathers the remaining strength he has and does his best. His eyes accidently land on Mark and he quickly looks away. He promised himself to avoid the other and speaking to him unless it’s necessary for their team and never let his eyes do anything more than stay on the older for a mere millisecond. He doesn’t deserve more than that. After what the vocalist’s heard from him during their fight, it broke his heart and he made a decision. He’s determined to stick to it. 

The song ends and he practically falls to the floor. He collapses with a loud thud and his vision is getting dangerously dark. 

‘Woah, you’re exhausted, Hyuck.’ Johnny’s bright voice still manages to reach him but it sounds strange and quiet. ‘C’mon, the choreo is not actually that hard, you’re exaggerating a bit... Heachannie?’ The hesitation in the other’s voice scares him but he doesn’t even have the strength to reply anything. ‘Donghyuck!’ This time Johnny is screaming but it sounds like a whisper and then it’s just dark. 

Everything is black and then there isn’t even that anymore. 

*** 

The last thing he remembers is that he was on a hard floor but now it’s something much softer than that under his body. A bed. He doesn’t have to open his eyes to know. 

‘Doctor, what do the test results say?’ he recognises the voice of one of their managers. 

Doctor? Is he in a hospital? Right, he fainted but was it really necessary to bring him here? Donghyuck opens his eyes slowly and there are two managers, Taeyong and a doctor in the room. 

‘It seems everything’s perfectly fine. He’s completely healthy, except maybe his iron levels are a bit low, so I’ll prescribe the best supplements for him to take over the next week. The most likely explanation for the accident is stress and the lack of iron.’ 

He sees Taeyong nod, his bottom lip between his teeth in worry then his big eyes land on the maknae. 

‘Hey, how are you feeling, baby?’ 

‘Good.’ He answers but it’s a lie. Again. He just feels so strange but he doesn’t know how to describe it, doesn’t want to worry his leader and the managers. 

‘You can take Mr Lee home now; I will bring the prescription and send a nurse to help you with everything.’ The doctor leaves the room, probably rushing to other patients who are actually sick unlike Donghyuck, who according to the test results should be perfectly fine. 

He feels far from that though and he keeps that piece of information to himself. 

When they get back to the dorm, Taeyong feeds him lunch even though he’s not really hungry and makes sure Donghyuck swallows the red iron pills right there in front of him. He really looks like a mother with his hands on his narrow hips and with that watchful gaze. 

‘Happy now?’ 

‘Yes. Now, go rest. You have the day off tomorrow, I have a schedule but I’m sure there will be someone else happy to look after you. I think Doyoung has a day off...’ Taeyong trails off, trying to remember. 

‘Oh, no I’m fine by myself, really.’ the younger refuses, picturing a worried, nagging, strict Doyoung babying him all day. 

‘Doyoung it is.’ The white-haired boy smiles at Donghyuck’s annoyed expression. He ruffles the tanned boy’s hair friendly but it feels so cold, like Taeyong’s hand is a moving piece of ice against his skin where the fingers brush against his temple. He jumps away from the touch, acting on pure instinct. 

‘Something wrong?’ Taeyong asks with narrowed brows. 

‘Sorry, it’s just your hands are very cold.’ 

He looks down at his own pale hands. ‘They’re not really cold though...’ He mutters but then shrugs and looks up at the younger again. ‘Go to bed, I’ll make some food later for supper, okay? Try to sleep a bit, your eyes look a little red.’ 

Haechan follows the other’s orders without thinking much. A little guilty that he makes everyone so worried for him. Various members come to his room all afternoon asking about his health and he tells everyone the same thing. 

He’s not surprised that every member of the team comes to see him except Mark. He’s actually equally relieved as he is sad. 

Being in love is stupid. He wants to hate Mark so much but he still hopes the other is at least a little worried for him but of course he isn’t. He hates Haechan. He said so. 

He’s falling asleep when there is a shy knock and someone tries to come inside but the maknae is facing away from the door in his position on the bed and the person goes away soon, thinking that he’s asleep. 

It’s probably Taeyong with the supper but he’ll have to wait because he’s finally falling asleep after trying for hours and finally finding a decently comfortable position where his muscles don’t hurt as much. 

He dreams that he’s sitting in the middle of a grassy field on a sunny day and watching butterflies fly around him. There are so many of them, all different colours. He closes his eyes with a smile on his lips. Suddenly, he feels the lightest touch on his arm. He suspects it’s another butterfly that’s decided to land on him but when he looks down there are long, slender fingers tracing shapes on his forearm. 

He smiles wider knowing exactly who it is and leans backwards until his back rests gently on the other’s chest. It feels so warm, like he’s bathing in sunshine; it’s taking all his thoughts and worries away. So, so warm and becomes even hotter but it doesn’t burn. Instead, it spreads pleasure in waves down his body. 

There is one sun in the sky above him and another one right behind him. His hot, hot sun... 

‘Haechannie!’ 

‘Yes, babe...’ He murmurs back to the boy behind him. 

‘Haechan!’ 

He leans back more; the sound of the too familiar voice sends shivers down his spine. 

‘Why are you screaming, I’m right here...’ He grows confused. 

‘Lee Donghyuck!’ 

His eyes snap open as he wakes and Doyoung is staring down at him with a deep thrown. 

‘Finally. You need to wake up, it’s almost midday. You need to take your iron and eat some food.’ Doyoung is looking around the room for something but then stops to look at the younger seriously. ‘And please, never call me babe in that voice again. I feel like I’ll have nightmares for a week.’ 

‘I...’ He blinks a few times, trying to remember. ‘I think I was having a dream or something.’ 

‘Well, obviously. Some happy dream by the sounds of it.’ 

Doyoung brings him a glass of water and his pills. Then brings food and more food and... more food. 

‘Thank you, hyung but I’m not really hungry.’ 

Doyoung gives him a death glare. The younger immediately picks up his chopsticks clumsily, almost dropping them when his fingers feel weirdly stiff, too weak to argue. 

*** 

He’s entering some weird state between sleep and something else, it feels kind of like death or maybe just a coma when he suddenly feels something like a tonne of rough bricks being placed on his forehead. 

‘What the...?’ he starts, breathing heavy and squinting his eyes. As soon as his hyung lifts his hand away, the terrible pressure disappears too. There is a brief thought in the vocalist’s mind that something is very wrong but the elder’s raised voice distracts him. 

‘God, you’re burning up!’ Doyoung looks terrified staring into his eyes. ‘How are you getting worse?! Maybe the test results at the hospital were wrong? What do I do? Should I call Taeyong or the manager?’ He’s starting to panic now. ‘Wait. First, something to deal with this fever.’ He’s already running out of the room. Still from the corridor he hears the other boy. ‘Maybe Taeil-hyung’s back home already, he did that medical course long ago...’ that’s all he manages to catch. 

Donghyuck sighs deeply, feeling like he’s about to lose consciousness again. What is happening to him? Is he really this sick? Is he dying? He’s not sure but it feels like it. At that thought, his heart jumps in his chest in panic. 

Is this the end? He’s still so young... He has so much to do... 

He only now realises how terribly hot he’s feeling and his forehead is wet with sweat. His lips are so dry as he touches them with his fingertips, he is scared to even move them or lick them as they might crack and hurt. The vision is still slightly blurry no matter how many times he blinks and his whole body feels so heavy. 

Voices sound in the background, louder by the second. Rushed footsteps and three or four people fly into the room but Donghyuck doesn’t look at them, his eyes closed now, his eyelids were too heavy to keep them open any longer. 

‘You said he was fine, sleeping peacefully two hours ago!’ Taeyong’s stressed voice comes through the phone. 

‘He was. After he ate, it seemed he felt better but now again it’s like ten times worse!’ 

‘Okay, call the manager and ask him what to do. We’re all on the way home already.’ The leader orders and Doyoung hangs up soon. 

‘Hyung, give him the medicine.’ 

‘Heachanie, baby, please try to sit up and take this from hyung. It’s all going to be okay, Doyoung will call the manager and he’ll probably get the ambulance for you.’ Taeil’s voice is sweet and soothing but he’s too tired to sit no matter how much he tries. 

‘Hyung, help...’ he croaks out, almost not recognising his own voice. 

‘Here, let me pull you up a bit.’ The eldest puts his hands on the maknae’s sides and pulls him up slightly to a semi-sitting position. Donghyuck hisses in pain immediately. 

‘Sorry, I needed to grip you strong to move you.’ Taeil explains and the other wants to explain that it’s not that. He wants to explain that the reason it felt so painful was because it felt like the other’s touch was actually thousands of needles piercing through his flesh. Instead of explaining though he rests his head on the bed post behind him and focuses on breathing. 

He vaguely remembers taking the medication from his hyung, then the manager's voice, then doctors around him asking him various questions that he can’t hear properly nor answer then needles, this time real ones piercing his forearms and his wrists. Then pain, just a lot of all kinds of pain. Then the pain going away ever so slowly. 

He’s looking around him and finds out that he’s hooked up to an IV that they put next to his bed but not in a hospital room and all his hyungs around him, looking at him in worry. 

‘What...?’ He starts but the words die in his mouth. 

‘You’re awake.’ Doyoung comes closer. ‘How do you feel?’ 

He finally decides on the truth. ‘Bad.’ 

Taeyong sighs heavily. ‘Hyuckie, the doctors don’t know what’s wrong with you. Their strongest painkillers seem to only keep you barely alive and you’re getting worse. They took your blood to test again but said you’re too weak to move you to the hospital right now, so, we’ll be looking after you for now. Our schedule for the next few days is all cancelled.’ 

‘No... But the concert, hyung, please, you all have to go, just leave me here alone, the fans are waiting-’ he begins to rumble but the leader cuts him off. 

‘No. It’s decided. Don’t worry about anything, okay? Rest now.’ 

Silence falls onto the room. Donghyuck closes his eyes, not really comfortable against the fluffy pillows that he normally loved so much before. ‘I’m sorry.’ He whispers feeling like he owes at least an apology for all this. 

‘No! It’s me who’s sorry, Hyuckie!’ He feels like even after his death he’ll still recognise this voice straight away. He opens his eyes and Mark is standing in the middle of the room, everyone else looking at him curious and shocked. ‘I didn’t mean it! We were fighting and I said a stupid thing. God, I don’t want you to die, you know that I don’t! I would never... I don’t know what is happening, why you’re suddenly so ill and why nobody knows what’s wrong with you but I need you to know I didn’t mean it. Any of it! I...’ He hides his face in his hands and Taeil speaks up then. 

‘What are you saying? What the hell is all this, Mark?’ The eldest is clearly mad. His usual calm, quiet voice is harsh and loud, demanding. 

‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’ It’s not clear to whom the rapper is apologizing right now, he’s sobbing softly though, tears stream down his face and Donghyck can’t do anything about the tears that begin to flow down his own cheeks too. 

‘Mark, Taeil, Taeyong. Come with me outside.’ Doyoung calls suddenly and the rest of the team asks where they’re going. 

‘Stay here with Donghyuck.’ Taeyong orders them, grabs a still crying Mark and confused and angry Taeil and follows Doyoung outside. 

They end up in an empty living room. 

‘Mark what did you argue about and what exactly did you say?’ Doyoung demands. 

Taeyong puts his hand on the younger vocalist’s shoulder. ’Why did you call us here? What does Mark and Heachan arguing has to do with his health?’ 

The black-haired boy rubs his temples, sighing. ‘Doctors don’t know what’s wrong with him and he’s getting worse and call me crazy or stupid or both but I think it’s a curse.’ 

They might not call him crazy or stupid directly to his face but they can’t help but look at him like that. 

‘Curse?’ Taeil whispers and sighs, visibly tired of all this. ‘Doyoung. I -’ 

‘Wait, just hear me out, okay?’ 

*** 

Mark tries to hold in his tears. He looks expectantly at his hyung and he’s so scared and tired of all that’s happening that he’s not even about to question him. After all, Doyoung is the smartest of them all and has gotten them out of many difficult situations before. 

‘So, I read about something like when you wish something bad or evil upon someone, whether in anger or not and you might say it during what is called a “wrong hour” like... how do I explain it? When you say to someone: “I wish you’ll trip on the stairs and break your leg,” and most of the time that won’t happen because humans don’t have such powers to make something just happen but there is a legend in Eastern European mythology, which describes a period of time, during which the evil spirits are listening to humans and make their evil wishes or hateful words towards others reality, just to torture them and for their own entertainment.’ Doyoung runs a hand through his black hair. ‘I think that’s what happened when they argued and Mark wished death upon Donghyuck. He said it during the “wrong hour” and now he’s dying.’ 

All eyes land on the rapper. ‘Mark...’ Taeyong begins weakly. ‘How could you say that? Even in anger, I understand that sometimes we say stupid things but to such an extend as to wish someone death?’ 

‘I... no... I didn’t think... and I didn’t just say it straightforward like that but I guess it was clear that I implied... I...’ he stutters and Doyoung puts his hands firmly on his shoulders. 

‘What exactly did you say to him? Please, remember your exact words.’ 

In the silence, Mark tries his best to remember but it’s like he tried to erase it from his head as soon as he realised what he said. As soon as he shut the door behind him that day, he wanted to take it all back but his stupid pride didn’t let him. 

‘I said... “Even if you were sick with some incurable disease and I had to touch you to keep you alive I still wouldn’t touch you.” Something like that...’ Mark whispers and covers his face with his hands. ‘Oh, my God, I’m a terrible person, I’m so fucked up!’ 

‘Calm down, we’ll fix everything somehow, okay?’ The oldest looks around at their scared, pale faces. 

‘But how?’ 

‘Well, if it’s the kind of curse that I imagine, the answer is in what Mark said to Haechan. Actually – assuming I’m right about all this – Mark did one good thing. He said: “Even if I had to touch you to keep you alive...” That’s what should prevent Hyuck from dying but I don’t know if it will break the actual curse.’ 

‘Okay, guys, wait.’ Mark wipes his wet eyes. ‘You really think it’s a curse? As in magic? A thing that doesn’t exist in this world?’ His eyes are wide like he’s just finally woken up from some dream. 

‘Mark, doctor’s tests show he’s perfectly healthy but he’s getting worse every day and nearly dying, there is nothing we can do and I read a lot about these types of events, especially in Eastern European countries where this myth originates from and those people can’t explain why their seemingly empty, powerless words suddenly come true either.’ Doyoung explains calmly. ‘Do you have a better idea how to save him or what could be happening to him? Because if so, I’m all ears.’ 

Mark blinks a few times at the older, then nods slowly. ‘So, how exactly do we check if your theory is right, hyung?’ 

‘The thing you hate the most, the thing you argued about.’ Mark bites his lip nervously. ‘Touch, Mark. Your touch. If it doesn’t make Donghyuck better then I’m clearly wrong about this.’ 

‘Touch...’ the Canadian looks at the floor for a long moment. Touch. 

*** 

Taeyong explained everything to the rest as best as he could and now, they all left Mark alone in the room with the younger vocalist. 

He’s sleeping. Clearly very uneasy sleep, looking so pale, his natural tan getting lost in the last few days. He’s even breathing with difficulty. 

All of this is so crazy, Mark thinks. 

Curses. Magic. Was it really him who did this to Heachan? 

Words carry power, Mark. Don’t say things you might later regret, it might be too late to take them back. 

His father told him this when he was very young and it suddenly crushes him so hard. He didn’t think much about it back then but now... God, he really wishes he could take back what he said, regardless of whether Doyoung is right or not. He should have never said it. 

Is it really too late? 

Mark sits at the edge of the bed where Donghyuck is lying on his back. His arms revealed by the white short-sleeved shirt rest on top of the blanket. His hair is damp and sticking to his forehead. The older reaches his hand out to brush them away but mere millimetres from touching, the other whines quietly and moves in his sleep and Mark startles, taking his hand away. 

Touch. 

He tries again. This time, he puts his hand on the other’s shoulder lightly, letting it just rest there for a moment before moving it down until he reaches Haechan’s forearm. He brushes the hot skin gently, so soft under his fingertips. It feels like silk. 

Did it always feel like that? 

The rapper is sure he never took time to actually feel it before, not deliberately like this. Shyly he begins to draw tiny shapes on the skin, keeping his eyes on the younger’s face, not sure if he should expect anything to happen or not. 

How does a curse breaking look like anyway? The longer he sits here the crazier it all seems but he keeps lazily drawing circles, squares and infinity signs on the other’s tanned skin to distract himself and keep his nervous fingers busy. 

‘Butterflies...’ Haechan whispers almost inaudibly in his sleep with what seems like the tiniest smile on his lips. If not for the dead silence in the room and the fact he’s still watching the other boy intently, he might have missed it. 

He smiles too. ‘Fever-induced dreams, huh?’ He asks even though he knows the other won’t hear him anyway. ‘At least, it seems you’re dreaming about something nice.’ 

Mark moves his hand again, now resting gently on top of the younger’s hand for a long minute then two but nothing is happening. He had some hope, he trusted Doyoung-hyung but it was a far stretch. 

He grips the smaller hand in his own, tighter. ‘I’m sorry for what I said. Yet again. I don’t think my apology will ever be enough but it’s honest, Hyuck, you know it is. You also know I say all sort of stupid things to you that I don’t mean when I’m angry but it’s no excuse. Whether you’re like this because of me or not, I’m still equally very sorry.’ He sighs, rubbing his eyes with his other hand. 

He continues. ‘You know, the truth is, sometimes I look at you and I see a friend, a best friend, someone I work and live alongside every day; amongst seventeen other guys, just another person I value so much in my life, respect and like, someone who makes me laugh and forget my worries for a while. Sometimes that’s all I see in you, Hyuckie. But sometimes... when I look at you for a bit longer, there is suddenly something different and you see... I don’t know how to name this thing. Neither in Korean nor English or any other language because I don’t know if the word that I’m looking for, exists at all. And when you notice me staring at you at times, sometimes you don’t break the eye contact straight away and I grow so nervous under your gaze, I panic on the inside and freeze on the outside because at those times, in your eyes... I feel like - I feel like you love me, Donghyuck.’ Mark lets out a shaky breath, his chest feels heavy. 

‘It terrifies me; when you look at me like that, it’s like the feeling before going on stage but ten times worse because I don’t know how to deal with it. The only thing I know that helps is running away, distract myself from those thoughts but you know, the annoying thing with thoughts is that they always eventually come back anyway.’ 

Finally, he gathers the courage to brush those dark brown hair from the vocalist’s forehead. He’s burning hot and Mark loses hope. ‘Late at night I think that I don’t know if I love you back, I simply don’t know but if I’m right and if you really do love me that way, I... I don’t want you to stop.’ He laughs humourlessly to himself. ‘I know how this sounds, I know I’m messed up but please, don’t stop.’ 

He looks down at the sleeping boy, tears gathering in his eyes. ‘I need more time, I’m not as brave as you. Please, get better for me even though I’m not worth it, I’m such a coward. Even now, I can’t tell you all this when you’re awake but please get better and don’t let me be too late.’ 

The silence falls onto the room again. The older puts his hand back on the younger’s and closes his eyes. He feels heavier rather than lighter on his soul after confessing everything in the middle of the dark night. 

There is a knock on the door and Taeyong with dark bags under his eyes and messy hair, enters the room. 

‘Any change?’ he asks coming closer to the bed. 

‘I’m sorry, hyung. I know you wanted to believe Doyoung-hyung and so did I but... everything’s still the same.’ 

Tension and regret hangs in the air like invisible fog. Heavy, suffocating. 

‘They’ll be taking him to a specialised hospital tomorrow morning and the manager will contact his parents. He didn’t want to worry them before but it’s gone too far, it’s-’ the leader suddenly cuts off as he bursts into silent, choked up tears, hiding his face behind his hands. 

‘Hyung.’ Mark gets up and stands next to the older. 

‘Why is this suddenly happening?! Why does it feel like a fucking punishment?’ He looks with glossy eyes and red cheeks at the rapper. ‘Do I really fail as a leader that much? Should I have noticed that something was wrong with him earlier? Would that have changed anything?’ 

Mark shakes his head quickly. ‘No, no. It’s really not your fault hyung. You can’t blame yourself. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine. No one else has anything to do with it, you all care for him so much. It’s me who always ends up hurting him somehow...’ 

The white-haired boy wipes his tears. ‘Behaving like this and looking for someone to blame won’t help Donghyuck.’ He moves away towards the bed. ‘Get some sleep, Mark, I’ll stay here with him.’ 

‘No.’ it comes out a little harsher than he intended and the other looks at him with wide eyes. ‘Let me stay instead. I’m fine to stay here all night.’ 

The leader gives him an unreadable look. He opens his mouth to say something but then stops and thinks again. He nods slowly. ‘Wake me if something happens.’ 

Mark promises to do so and when the door closes after the other rapper, without much thought, the black-haired boy sits on the other side of the bed next to the sick boy, getting into a more comfortable position. He takes the younger’s hand and intertwines their fingers then he leans his head on the wall behind him, closing his eyes. 

‘Goodnight, Hyuckie.’ he whispers but he only hears broken, uneven breaths in return and the continuous sounds lull him into shallow, restless sleep filled with messy dreams of red and blue butterflies flying around a meadow on a sunny summer’s day. 

*** 

Voices wake him. He’s still in the same position but it’s light in the room now, still weirdly grey too so it must be very early in the morning. Members are gathering in the room, curious about the maknae’s condition. There is Taeyong, Johnny and Taeil. 

‘Mark?’ Taeil asks. 

He rubs his tired eyes and looks from the oldest to the boy lying next to him and notices he is still asleep and their hands are still tightly clasped together. 

‘I guess I slept here like this all night.’ He mumbles and Taeil comes closer to look at Haechan. Mark does the same and scrunches his brows. Is it just him or does he look better? His skin is glowing lightly in the morning light, lips plush and red unlike the dry and pale they were last night. 

Taeil touches his forehead lightly. ‘The fever is gone.’ He manages to get out when the boy in question wakes suddenly and groans in pain. 

‘What the hell...?’ He rubs his forehead sleepily. ‘It hurts...’ Mark looks from the younger boy to Taeil who seems confused for a moment, looking to the others in the room who mirror his expression but then turns back to Haechan. 

‘How do you feel? Do you have a headache?’ 

The younger brings his hand along with Mark’s to his face and snuggles his cheek to it happily. ‘No. I’m fine.’ His voice is back to its honey softness. 

‘Hyuckie?’ Mark asks, unsure, not quite yet believing the change from last night. 

As if only now realising Mark’s presence, his eyes snap open and realising the position he’s in with the rapper, Donghyuck quickly let’s go of the elder’s hand and moves away. Mark should have expected the other will still be very upset at him and won’t forgive that easily. 

‘I need a shower.’ He gets up from his bed then quickly grabs a clean towel from his shelf. ‘Is there anything to eat? I’m starving.’ He adds before heading to the bathroom without waiting for a reply from anyone. 

Taeyong smiles in excitement. ‘I’ll make something delicious right away, baby!’ He’s heading towards the kitchen. ‘Doyoung! Where are you?!’ the leader’s excited voice can be still heard from the corridor. 

All eyes turn to Mark, who blushes and bites his lip awkwardly sitting on the bed. 

‘You know, Mark, I’ve always known that you and Donghyuck had something weird between you two but suddenly right before our eyes there are curses, magic, love and drama? I feel like I’m in a freaking Disney movie.’ Johnny states and Mark sighs, overwhelmed and tired. ‘Jungwoo and Jaehyun won’t believe this.’ He mumbles to himself and runs out of the room too. 

‘This isn’t real. This is just a dream.’ Mark tries, looking at the white wall in front of him in a dazed state. 

‘The most important thing is that Hyuck is better. We need to tell the manager not to call his parents just yet and when the doctors come to take him later today, they will be shocked too but oh, well...’ Teail sits on the bed next to Mark. He suddenly looks down at his open palm. ‘But why does he keep saying that it hurts whenever I touch him?’ He muses under his breath, mostly just to himself. 

*** 

The manger came in shortly after the boy came out of the shower and was shocked to see a completely healthy Haechan. He said he won’t call his parents for which the young vocalist is glad. He doesn’t want to worry them although he understands how bad he was before and why it then seemed necessary. 

‘I still don’t know what was wrong with me. A weird flu? Exhaustion?’ He wonders out loud, still unaware of what really happened as nobody has told him yet. ‘I really don’t understand but it seems sleep has healing powers.’ He laughs a little and someone in the room chokes on what seems to be just plain air. 

Soon later, doctors come too and as predicted they are shocked and do a standard check up again but still everything turns out perfect. Mark observes Haechan from the corner and narrows his brows whenever he winces in what seems to be pain although there is no reason for him to be in pain as the doctors are merely checking things like blood pressure, blood sugar levels and take his temperature. When they ask if anything hurts, he shakes his head “no”. The rapper knows he’s lying. Something is so very wrong here still even when they figured out that Doyoung might have been right about the curse. 

Touch. 

Mark notices other’s touch causes those reactions. He looks at the dark-haired, older vocalist to his left, whose eyes are watching Donghyuck like a hawk. When he feels Mark’s stare on him, he turns to the younger and they have a brief silent conversation and it seems they agree that not everything is clear yet. 

Medics conclude it must have been an unusual reaction of his body to prolonged stress and lack of proper sleep. The members might have believed it if not for what they already worked out on their own. 

The manager leaves too but only after telling them that if tomorrow the boy is still fine, they will be back to their normal schedules, starting in the afternoon with a radio broadcast. 

Taeyong places the hot food he reheated for lunch, in front of the maknae first, then he fixes up plates of noodles for the others. 

Jungwoo smiles, relieved at the situation. ‘You scared us, Hyuck. I was so worried.’ He puts his hands on Hyuck’s shoulders in sympathy and the younger jumps and hisses at the touch, noodles dropping to the white plate from his loosely held chopsticks. 

‘I’m sorry, did I...?’ the newest addition to NCT 127 begins but Taeil steps forward suddenly. 

‘It’s not just you, Jungwoo. It’s all of us, right?’ The eldest stares at the tanned boy. Mark notices Taeyong and Doyoung approach closer too. ‘Touch hurts you. Us, the doctors, every other person’s touch hurts you.’ It’s a statement, an observation. 

‘I don’t understand it! What is wrong with me?! Before, when I was so sick, I didn’t think about it much. I just thought it’s because of the fever and everything just hurt so badly anyway so I didn’t stop to think that much but it’s so weird and I know it is!’ The maknae bursts out suddenly. ‘I tried to hide it from you because... I just...’ Donghyuck sighs tiredly. ‘Hyung, am I some sort of a freak? What happened to me?!’ 

‘Hyuckie, you’re not a freak, there is something... um-’ Doyuong starts but the maknae is too busy panicking to listen to him right now. 

‘This isn’t normal. I feel like dying for almost three days then suddenly so good like I’ve never been better but all the time this weird pain whenever someone touches me. Taeyong hyung’s fingers are like ice, it feels like I’ll freeze to death if they touch for a second too long. Jaehyun-hyung is the opposite, it burns like a freaking piece of iron heated until thousand degrees is being presses to my skin. Doyoung-hyung is like a tonne of rough bricks that brings a pressure like it will actually crush me to death, then Taeil-hyung is like millions of tiny needles prickling deep into my flesh down to my very bones. Now, Jungwoo-hyung with his hands that seem to make the muscles in my body feel like they’re being pulled apart, ripped into tiny pieces.’ He describes and everyone stands in silence at the horrific descriptions, watching with wide eyes. ‘I love you guys so much, I love your hugs, your attention focused on me and the comfort it brings, so why suddenly it feels like hell when you touch me?!’ He hides his face in his hands and Mark already opens his mouth to speak but Doyoung manages to make a sound first. 

‘It’s not you. It’s not us either, it’s-’ 

‘Me.’ Mark says suddenly and the younger vocalist finally looks at him for longer than one second. They just stare at each other. Mark feels like he wants to disappear from shame and guilt and Donghyuck looks at him with intense eyes, defensive, angry but also curious. ‘I’m the cause of all your pain, mental and physical, this illness, all this that’s happening that nobody seems to understand is because of a curse that I accidently put on you. Blame only me and hate only me, Heachan.’ Mark lowers his voice. ‘What I said to you during our fight has somehow become reality and for the tenth time or so I’m so, so, so sorry. I know it’s not enough but I want you to know how much I truly regret saying that one damned sentence that day.’ That one lie, he adds in his thoughts. 

It’s silent like it has probably never been in the entire dorm unless it’s completely empty of all members. Taeyong with his ever-soft heart, rubs Mark’s shoulder gently in sympathy while the rapper looks to the floor, his own heart frozen with fear and stress. 

‘What...? A curse? You put it on me when we were fighting?’ Mark looks up to see confusion on Haechan’s face then a light of recognition after a moment. ‘”Even if you were sick with some incurable disease where I had to touch you just to keep you alive, I still wouldn’t.”’ He quotes with perfect memory and Mark winces hearing it repeated like that back to him. He thinks he’s the worst human alive. 

Everyone looks at the rapper and he knows they’re judging him but he takes a little comfort in the fact that nobody wants to beat him up and that Donghyuck is not screaming at him – yet at least, time will still tell – and Taeyong’s hand still remains on his shoulder. 

‘God, it makes so much sense now. I never thought I would ever see something like this outside of an anime though.’ Yuta half-whispers, breaking the tension a little, speaking for the first time since he came in this morning asking about Hyuck’s condition. 

‘This is all so weird and messy.’ Jungwoo wraps his hands around his shoulders, stuttering and shuddering a little from mere stress and his weak nerves. Jaehyun wraps his arms around him without a second thought in reassurance. 

‘So, you hate me so much that you actually managed to fucking curse me?’ Hyuck spits out at Mark, who looks like a deer caught in the lights. 

‘I don’t hate you, I didn’t mean it and it was an accident!’ Mark tries to explain yet again. ‘I said it in anger and never thought it would all turn out this way.’ 

The young vocalist just shakes his head in disbelief and huffs in mockery at the other’s words. 

‘Let’s stay calm, please, guys. I know you’re both hurting but you need to put this hatred and regret to the side for a minute.’ Doyoung pleads quietly. He takes a deep breath when no one protests. ‘I’ll explain everything we manged to figure out.’ He starts, clearing his throat, looking at Donghyuck. ‘So, basically, Mark’s ill-wishing words towards you have somehow come true. You’re ill and getting worse and nothing helps you except Mark’s touch which keeps you alive and makes you feel better. We don’t know if his touch broke the curse because at first it didn’t have any effect until he held your hand all night and today you woke up healthy but we will see what happens next, I guess.’ Haechan looks momentarily scandalised at what he’s hearing but then seems to remember and realise something, which Mark thinks might be the position they were in when they woke up today. Haechan understands but isn’t happy with it at all. ‘The fact it hurts you when everyone but Mark touches you, we, well mostly Taeil-hyung, has figured out just now but we needed to tell you what all we know anyway, so we’re all in the light. We’re a team after all, we need to figure it out together.’ 

Mark glances at Donghyuck hearing the last sentence from Doyoung but the other quickly looks away, still clearly upset and annoyed. 

‘Thank you for explaining, hyung. I guess now we just wait.’ 

Everyone nods. It’s tense and silent again until Mark speaks up. ‘If you feel worse again, come and find me, Hyuck.’ He tries softly with a tiny, hopeful smile. 

Donghyuck just gets up, picks up his plate and looks him in the eyes with a cold stare. ‘Come and find you? And what else? Do you want me to go down on my knees and beg for your golden, healing touch? Go, fuck yourself, Mark.’ He says without hesitation and none of the older ones dare to even reprimand him for the harsh language, watching in awkward silence. 

‘How about I grab some snacks and we watch a movie in the living room, Heachannie?’ Johnny asks sweetly and the tension dissipates by a few, very much needed percent. 

‘Sure, would be nice, hyung.’ His expression changes to a friendly, usual one when directed at Johnny. Mark watches the scene with a mix of guilt, self-hatred, sadness and jealousy. 

‘He hates me.’ Mark states simply in English, mostly to himself, staring at the kitchen door behind which the two boys just disappeared. Taeyong puts his arm fully around his shoulders but doesn’t say anything. 

‘He’ll come around. He literally cannot live without you, Mark. Like literally.’ Yuta tries to make him feel better with a joke but Taeyong and Jaehyun give him icy glares. ‘That was inappropriate, I’m sorry. You guys know I’m bad at handling serious situations.’ Yuta apologizes. 

‘Unfortunately, we know.’ Jaehyun rolls his eyes. ‘I hope Hyuck will be back to normal now and maybe soon the curse wears off and other people’s touch stops causing him pain too, we can’t work and carry out our normal schedules like this.’ He seems lost in thought, one arm still around the slender figure of the, now thankfully calmer, Jungwoo. 

‘I really hope it all ends soon. For everyone’s good.’ 

Mark closes his eyes. He really wishes that Jaehyun- hyung is right.


	2. 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Second And Last Part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is!   
I'm so glad, I decided not to give up on this fic.  
I was close to deleting this because I just couldn't finish it  
but all your kudos and comments motivated me so much :)  
Thank you!  
Hope this is okay and only now I noticed, it's kinda fitting to post in October!  
Also, as you probably noticed the p.o.v changes a few times from Mark to Haechan but it should be clear still.  
Enjoy and let me know what you think! xx

It would be amazing if Jaehyun’s hopes would come true but there is one, big problem: while magic spells often wear off on their own, curses do not. 

‘Curses need to be broken.’ Doyoung whispers, as if only to himself, sitting at the edge of the sofa next to a sleeping, pale and feverish Donghyuck. 

Taeyong and Johnny sigh in unison, looking down at their maknae. Only after an hour of peace and calm after the dinner, Johnny came to their leader with a worried expression saying that Donghyuck fell asleep watching the movie, which never happens, and is looking slightly off again. Taeyong grabbed Doyoung who was doing research on his computer and now they all contemplate what to do. 

The film is still playing on the television screen, nearly ending now but nobody is watching. Unfinished snacks are also splayed on the coffee table, abandoned. 

‘So, the curse is still on him, we don’t know how to break it and we’re stuck.’ Taeyong concludes sadly. 

‘I think I might be onto something, I did a lot of research but I need more time. While I do that, we need to keep Hyuck...’ he trails of when the youngest whines in his sleep like he’s waking up. 

‘... well and healthy.’ Johnny finishes for him. ‘Which might not be easy.’ Everyone agrees remembering the tanned boy’s sentence exchange with Mark earlier in the kitchen. 

Donghyuck moves lazily under the blanket Johnny has placed on top of him. He blinks at his hyungs slowly. ‘Did I fall asleep? I’m sorry, Johnny-hyung, I’m still a bit tired and weak after the illness.’ He apologizes to the tallest boy sincerely, getting up. ‘Maybe we can finish off watching it another time.’ He smiles weakly, his lips dry. 

‘Hyuck, how do you feel?’ Doyoung asks softly. 

‘Fine.’ He says too quickly for it to be true. ‘I just need to lay down for a bit, I’m still a little weak, it seems.’ 

‘Haechan, you’re not fine, the curse hasn’t been broken, you’re getting ill again.’ Taeyong stops him from heading to his room. ‘You need Mark’s touch-’ the youngest doesn’t let him finish. 

‘All that I need is a nap.’ He snaps harshly then his expression softens a bit, guilty for speaking like that to his elder. ‘Please, just let me rest.’ He looks pleadingly into the other’s eyes. ‘And please, if you respect my personal decisions at all, hyung... don’t let Mark Lee anywhere near me while I sleep, okay?’ He waits until the other nods reluctantly. 

They all watch as he leaves the living room. 

‘What do we do?’ Johnny asks, breaking the silence. 

‘What do we do, regarding what?’ Jungwoo enters, looking around at their faces. 

Taeyong sighs again. ‘Donghyuck is getting sick again, the curse isn’t broken. Ask everyone to come here, please, Jungwoo. We need to discuss what to do next.’ He sits on the spot where their youngest previously sat, while the vocalist leaves to gather the others. 

Sound of footsteps soon reaches the living room and the members gather around their leader. Taeyong’s eyes land on Mark first and he takes in the other’s distressed look. Jungwoo has probably already briefly explained to everyone what is going on. 

‘What do we do now?’ Taeil asks as he takes a seat on the floor. The movie credits are now rolling on the TV screen along with soft, calm background music. 

‘So, the curse isn’t yet broken and Haechan is slowly getting ill again. Doyoung is researching how to break it as he is the one that knows most about it but I want all of us to get involved.’ Taeyong looks around them. ‘Johnny, Mark search for it on websites in English, maybe there is something useful Doyoung can’t see; Winwin, I would appreciate anything you can find in Chinese and if you do, report to me or Doyoung, okay?’ The quiet boy nods eagerly at the leader. ‘Yuta, you know what I want you to do?’ 

‘In Japanese.’ He nods confidently. ‘I’ll get to it.’ 

‘Good. In the meantime, we need to look after Donghyuck but be careful not to touch him, don’t cause any unnecessary pain. Make sure he’s eating and resting; we can’t do much else since the only person that can help him right now... well... he wants them as far from himself as possible and we need to respect his wishes.’ Taeyong glances at Mark who looks down to the floor, ashamed. ‘I will call the manager and ask for few more days off but we can’t keep cancelling forever.’ 

Soon after they finally agree on some plan of action, they go their separate ways. Most are doing research as promised, others are making food and the rest check up on Heachan from time to time to make sure he’s okay. 

‘Hyung?’ Mark stops Taeyong shyly. ’Could I at least go and hold his hand like the last time?’ 

‘No.’ It comes out strong and the other just looks at the white-haired boy, expectant. ‘Mark, let him be angry for now, he has the right to be. Hopefully, you can talk it out soon and make up at some point but he needs his time to organise his mind. This time you really messed up and the whole team needs to deal with the consequences too, even if you didn’t mean for that to happen.’ 

‘I know. I’m sorry again.’ He sighs and follows the other to the kitchen. He can’t cook, everyone knows that but maybe he can cut vegetables or boil water at least, without screwing up. 

He feels so disgusted with himself. 

Johnny, Jaehyun, Taeyong and Mark are in the kitchen preparing food when Heachan, looking a bit like a ghost version of himself, enters the room, claiming he’s beyond thirsty. His hair is messy from sleep and he’s wearing what looks like three jumpers, one on top of the other, making his usual slender frame seem weirdly big. 

‘Here.’ Jaehyun hands him a bottle of water. All boys watch the youngest gulp down the contents of the bottle greedily with worried looks. 

‘Why is it so cold here?’ He muses with groggy voice pulling at the top layer of his clothing, looking uncomfortable. 

‘It’s just because you’re sick, Heachannie.’ Taeyong replies. ‘I’m making some hot soup, should be ready soon, okay?’ The tanned boy nods, thankful, completely ignoring Mark’s existence in the kitchen even though the black-haired boy’s gaze remains steadily on him ever since he entered the room. 

‘I’m going back under the warm covers.’ Heachan announces and at that the Canadian puts his knife down onto the chopping board where he was clumsily cutting some carrots. 

‘Hyuck, please.’ He sounds slightly desperate and the youngest finally spares him a glance. ‘Just let me stay with you, I will sit on the bed next to you and hold your hand. You don’t have to talk to me or anything, you won’t even notice I’m there. You will feel better.’ 

‘I don’t need your pity, I don’t want you doing this just because you know you should, because it’s the right thing to do.’ He turns to leave. 

‘Heachan!’ Mark suddenly shouts and the other stops by the door. ‘Stop behaving like that. I’ve apologized so many times, why are you making yourself suffer and your hyungs worry because of an idiot like me, who can’t keep his stupid mouth shut?!’ 

It looks like he’s considering the words for a minute, his expression softening but then it hardens again. ‘It’s true you’re an idiot and you can’t keep your mouth shut but it doesn’t change the fact I don’t even want to look at you right now.’ He explains. 

‘Please, stop this. Just let me touch you. Just for a bit. When you feel better, I’ll go away.’ Mark tries again and their hyungs watch his pathetic attempts. 

‘No.’ 

How about I let you punch me or slap me? You can hit me anywhere you want, as many times as you want. Just touch me!’ Mark raises his voice but the younger turns to leave anyway. ‘Heachan!’ 

A short, bitter laugh. ‘No.’ With that the youngest leaves the kitchen. 

After a moment of silence, Jaehyun speaks up. ‘Look at how everything’s changed. Mark is begging for Heachan to touch him. Never thought I would see that.’ 

After a long moment, where nobody knows how to respond because they know Jaehyun is right, the youngest vocalist comes back to the kitchen, grabbing another bottle of water to take with him back to the room. 

‘Hyuck, don’t be stupid.’ Mark tries for the last time, dejected. 

‘Oh, am I stupid now?’ Donghyuck raises his voice, annoyed. 

Johnny steps between them suddenly. ‘Okay, enough of this. You guys need to make up, I don’t care how. The manager won’t keep cancelling our schedules forever, we need to get back to work soon and you two need to be a team until we figure out how to fix this mess. You need to work together, not against each other!’ He argues. ‘Both of you, come with me.’ He grabs both their wrists, Heachan gasps in pain but doesn’t protest, letting the tallest member drag them somewhere. 

It turns out somewhere is the unfinished room in their dorm which they mostly use as storage and since the heater doesn’t work there, it’s really cold inside. Johnny locks them in the room from the outside regardless, taking the key with him, claiming he won’t let them out unless they make up. 

‘We’ll freeze in here, hyung!’ Mark protest from the other side of the closed door. 

‘You better talk it out fast then.’ He just replies, his voice getting quieter as he walks away. 

*** 

Mark sighs and turns to look at the younger who already found an old blanket and took a seat on it, against the wall on the floor between cardboard boxes filled with books, shoes and other things. No clothes though. Mark looks inside a huge box for something to wear anyway, maybe there is like one long lost hoodie or something in there. 

‘We have a separate clothes storage, remember? You won’t find anything here.’ Donghyuck huffs in annoyance, unable to watch any longer. 

‘I know, I was just hoping...’ He rubs his arms with his hands to warm them and looks for a place to sit. 

After a moment of just standing there and looking around, Heachan rolls his eyes and makes a space for him on the blanket. 

‘Just sit here.’ 

Mark does. They’re close but not touching, Donghyuck makes sure they’re not even brushing shoulders. The silence between them stretches. 

‘How many times should I say I’m sorry?’ Mark finally whispers, wrapping his arms around his knees, trying not to shiver too visibly. ‘Will any apology ever be enough?’ 

Donghyuck sighs beside him, looking away. ‘You’ve said it enough, and I know you mean it, I can see it in your eyes. It’s just... it hurts you know? It hurts so fucking much. To hear something like that and then... adding to the emotional hurt, I suddenly start to feel like I’m dying and nobody can even comfort me, can’t touch me.’ He finally looks to Mark for a brief second. ‘I’m mad at you, I’m hurt and angry and frustrated that now we’re stuck in this position, the whole team and we have to cancel our schedules.’ 

Mark knows. He understands and he wants to make it better, make it right and get Donghyuck’s trust back somehow but neither he nor anyone else seems to have a solution. 

‘But Johnny hyung is right, we can’t fight. We need to be a team, work together until we find a solution. Doyoung hyung is smart, he’ll figure it out but until then we will have to perform, do shows or interviews and we can’t make our fans worried, you know they watch our every move, they care if we look tired or ill and it affects them too.’ Mark suggests shyly, unsure what he is allowed to say anymore without causing even more pain. 

‘I know.’ Donghyuck runs his hand through his hair, his face is flushed and shiny with a sheen of sweat. Even so sick, he looks like he’s glowing. Mark has this sudden thought that the younger looks like an angel who just desperately wants to go home, back to heaven. ’I’m not ready to forgive you, I won’t be ready for a long time. Your words are stuck too deep... I hope you understand.’ Mark nods, his eyes fill with tears but he doesn’t cry. He deserves that. 

Donghyuck continues. ‘But we need to do something for the team’s sake. I’m willing to pretend that we’ve come to some agreement in front of them but don’t expect much from me when we find ourselves alone, Mark.’ He sounds serious and pained, so unlike himself and the rapper wishes he could turn back time. He wishes so bad. ‘Also, they need to see you touching me, otherwise they will know I’m getting worse and... no matter how hurt I am and how much it hurts my pride too; I don’t want to die...’ He gets even quieter at the end and stares at the wall in front of them. ‘I trust that Doyoung-hyung will find a way to break this curse soon and then you never have to touch me again...’ Mark wants to protest as soon as he hears those words, he has the urge to disagree but he only manages to open his mouth when a loud knock at the door resonates in the room. 

‘How is it going, guys?’ Johnny’s voice reaches their ears. The door opens slowly when they don’t answer after a long moment. 

The tallest member looks at them for a second, sitting next to each other on the floor but still keeping the small gap between their bodies. 

‘We’ve come to an agreement, can you let us out now?’ Mark asks hopefully, it feels like his hands are turning to ice. 

Johnny gives them one more sceptical look but then his expression softens. ‘C’mon, Taeyong-hyung is serving hot soup with freshly-cooked rice.’ He opens the door wide to let them out. 

They both get up from the floor and their stomachs are rumbling. All three walk to the kitchen together. 

When they sit down, everyone looks at them curiously. 

‘You guys said you’ve come to an agreement. Can we know what it is?’ Johnny asks and Taeyong turns to look at them too, from the stove where he’s stirring the soup. 

‘I trust you, Doyoung-hyung, I know you will help us break this curse.’ Haechan smiles lightly at the elder and he nods, returning the gesture. ‘Until then I don’t want you all to worry so much about me and miss schedules because of me and also I... don’t want to suffer, so we’ve decided on something.’ Donghyuck is avoiding Mark’s eyes but he extends his right arm towards the rapper, placing it closer to him on top of the table. ‘Mark is allowed to touch me only by putting his hand on my forearm and only when I allow it.’ The elder boy listens to the supposed agreements they made, which they haven’t at all discussed, with an empty mind but stays quiet. 

Donghyuck continues in a monotone voice, strip of any emotions. ‘From now on we’re neither friends nor brothers, he’s not my hyung and I’m not his dongsaeng. Right now, to each other, we’re objects. Kind of like I’m an iPhone and he’s merely the charger.’ Small gasps from some members fill the heavy silence but nobody dares to speak up. 

Mark tries to process the words he’s just heard but it feels so unreal, so cold. The flatness of the other’s voice is so unlike Haechan, so formal. It hurts like nothing ever could and Mark feels dead and buried deep under the heavy weight of those words but he still stays completely quiet, as if he’s lost his voice. 

He feels it. The overwhelming pain ripping his heart in two. He finally fully understands how deeply he’s hurt Haechan this time. 

*** 

That evening Haechan insists he wants to finish watching the movie they started with Johnny, and Johnny insists Mark should be on the couch with them for obvious reasons. That’s how they end up in the living room, watching the movie from the beginning since the youngest doesn’t remember most of it anyway, Donghyuck in the middle between Johnny and Mark. 

The opening credits roll on the screen, Johnny and Donghyuck are munching on snacks, careful not to touch each other. 

‘Mark, help yourself to some food. We have popcorn, crisps, jellies...’ the tallest suggests in a soft voice leaning over to look at the rapper but Mark only shakes his head. 

‘I’m not so hungry, thanks hyung.’ 

Johnny sends him a sympathetic smile and leans back in his seat. Mark glances at Donghyuck who’s face is glued to the TV. His lips are dry and slightly cracked, eyes red and glossy, his breath is shallow but he’s still so pretty in Mark’s eyes. 

‘Can I?’ He reaches his hand out shyly to the younger boy, who finally shifts his attention to him. He nods and rolls up the right sleeve of his jumper up to his elbow, resting his arm on his own thigh. 

Releasing a small breath, Mark places his left hand on the smooth, hot skin. There are no sparks or anything of that kind, just like the first time he did this but he notices Haechan’s shoulders drop a little, tension leaving his body, relaxing under the touch. 

With mixed feelings and head full of thoughts, Mark turns to the TV to tries to watch the movie but his thoughts are far away, ruminating, worrying, remembering how it used to be between them before and how with just a few, stupid words he managed to ruin it all. 

Before he knows it, the movie is ending, the familiar, calm ending track playing as the main characters on the screen meet again after years of separation. 

Mark wonders if there will be any happy ending for them? He glances at Donghyuck again and can hardly believe how different the other looks. His eyes are shining with energy, his cheeks are lightly pink against his bronze complexion, his lips are full and plump like he’s just applied some lip balm, slightly glossy, adorably open as he takes in the last scene of the film. The last scene where Mark notices with the corner of his eye that the main characters are kissing now, slow and loving. 

He briefly wonders what it would feel like to kiss Haechan before his heart shakes at the thought and he gets up from his spot on the couch, blinking at the two faces staring at him. 

‘I think I’ll go to bed now. Thank you for the movie night, it was nice. See you tomorrow at breakfast.’ He rushes his words, looks away from them and in the next three seconds he’s walking the long corridor to his room. 

*** 

Mark wakes up first, the next day. He couldn’t sleep very well knowing that in another room, someone he was once so close with is getting worse throughout the night. It kept popping up in his head, the words he heard yesterday, Haechan’s emotionless voice and his face. Everything. 

It was too much to bear. With all that on his mind, it seemed like there was no space for sleep anymore. 

Exhausted, he sits at the table with a cup of instant coffee in front of him and is at complete loss what to do. In few hours he needs to leave for the whole day with Taeyong for another unit’s photo shoot and dance practice and he can’t find either any energy in himself nor enthusiasm for it. 

He doesn’t know why but he suddenly gets so teary, emotions make him shiver and soon tears are flowing down his cheeks. How did it all get to this point? How did he manage to cause everyone so much pain with just a few reckless words? 

‘Mark?’ There is a warm hand on his shoulder and someone sits next to him. Taeyong looks as handsome in the early morning as ever. 

The rapper doesn’t bother wiping his tears nor hiding them. He just takes a shaky breath in and smiles weakly through the tears. ‘Hi, hyung.’ Even his own voice sounds foreign to him, lifeless. 

The older doesn’t ask unnecessary questions. He just hugs Mark; wraps his long, thin arms around the boy in support. The gesture brings another, fresh wave of hot tears spilling from the brunette’s eyes. 

The sound of the kitchen door opening, makes them both look up but they don’t move from their position. Only when it finally hits Mark that it’s a sleepy Donghyuck standing there, looking at them with an unreadable expression, does Mark look down to avoid the other’s eyes and brings his hand to wipe at his wet cheeks. 

Taeyong gets up slowly, releasing the comforting embrace and begins to make some food for them. ‘Donghyuck, Mark and I will be going soon to attend our schedules. We will be gone for most of the day, so I think it might be a good idea to...’ he trails off but the maknae is already nodding and moving to sit on Mark’s right side at the wooden table. 

Donghyuck places his arm on top of it, the palm of his hand facing upwards, the inner side of the forearm exposed. 

‘Can I?’ Mark whispers, his voice sounds rough and raspy from crying, when he looks at the younger. He receives a nod in return but hesitates under the intense gaze the other is giving him. There is some soft emotion flickering in Donghyuck’s eyes that Mark can’t name, that he’s sure he’s never seen before. 

Surprising the rapper, the vocalist whispers: ‘Please.’ in such a voice that makes Mark all emotional again but he holds it in this time and just gently places his hand on the warm, smooth skin. 

In what seems like only a blink of an eye, the kitchen fills with other members and they’re just in time for Taeyong’s fried rice and egg omelettes that he’s serving up. Nobody comments on Mark’s red, teary eyes; nobody comments on Donghyuck’s dark circles and red cheeks. 

They just eat and chat occasionally but Mark stays quiet, eating slowly with his left hand but doing pretty well, surprising even himself. When he’s finished but Donghyuck’s still eating he gets a bit bored and starts to draw random shapes on the youngest’s forearm like that time when he was sleeping. He traces slowly with his index finger, looking down at their hands on the table, noticing how much their skin complexions contrast. 

Mark feels Donghyuck staring at him from the side for some reason, so he looks up and Donghyuck is looking at him with such softness, fondness maybe, something so comforting that he hasn’t been able to see for days now from the other, his heart begins to beat faster for some reason. He also grows steadily more and more confused. 

Mark wants to ask, opens his mouth but he doesn’t even know what to say in the first place. Why are you looking at me like that? That could sound rude and that’s the last thing he wants it to sound like. Why are you suddenly looking at me like... like back in the day? Back when everything was still alright between us...? 

‘Mark, we need to get going soon.’ Taeyong reminds him gently and it shatters the moment. Was it even a moment? Was it anything? 

At the leader’s words, Donghyuck suddenly gets up from his chair, takes the empty plate with him, puts it quickly in the sink, promising Taeyong to wash it later, and bolts out of the kitchen. 

Mark gives the leader a small smile, trying to get back to reality, trying to forget what just happened because he simply doesn’t understand what happened and if anything happened at all. ‘I’m going to go get ready now, hyung. Let me know when the car is here to take us.’ 

The rest of the morning is a weird blur in Mark’s mind. 

*** 

The house is strangely quiet, when Mark and Taeyong enter, late in the evening. It all took a bit longer than they thought it would. Mark just wants to sleep but something is telling him, he won’t be allowed that luxury, still for a long time. 

It’s just too quiet, too eerie. ‘Where is everyone?’ Mark turns on the light in the kitchen but it’s empty too. His heart races like crazy in fear when he thinks it might be something to do with Donghyuck. But wouldn’t someone tell them if something was wrong? 

‘Doyoung said everything was fine, when I texted him about two hours ago.’ Taeyong whispers into the silence, reading his mind. 

Without thinking, Mark sprints in the direction of Donghyuck’s room but the rushed footsteps make a lot more noise than expected and soon Doyoung appears before them, exiting the maknae’s room. 

‘Shhh...’ the dark-haired vocalist pleads, placing his index finger to his lips. ‘He just fell asleep.’ 

Mark breathes a relieved breath he wasn’t aware he was holding in. His nerves are jumping all around the surface of his body tingling at his toes and fingertips. ‘How is he?’ 

Doyoung bites his bottom lip, glances at Mark then at Taeyong. He doesn’t answer the question. ‘I think I know how to break the curse.’ He states in a nervous, unsure voice instead and Mark hears the leader beside him, take in a sharp breath. 

It’s obvious that it has something to do with Mark, judging by the way that Doyoung-hyung is looking at him and he grows nervous under that gaze too. He knows he can’t run away from this. Whatever it is, he needs to try. 

This is all because of him. 

‘What do I do?’ 

He’s ready, he thinks. He’s determined, he knows. He wants to fix everything, he’s sure. Yet the next, short sentence from the tall vocalist, has his knees going weak, has all thoughts leaving his head. 

Mark stares at the door, behind which is the boy he longs to see is sleeping; his body waiting patiently for Mark, no matter how much Donghyuck wants to resist it, control it. 

All day, Haechan hasn’t left Mark’s mind and at some point, somewhere between the twentieth or so re-run of the dance routine and between someone shouting his name for the tenth or so time, telling him to focus, he realised something important. 

And he couldn’t do anything with the new information. He was so far from home. In the middle of a dance studio, he couldn’t do anything but put all his thoughts aside and follow the chorography once again from the top. 

However, now he’s here and he can’t quite believe the next words leaving his mouth. ‘He’ll never let me.’ He looks in desperation to his hyung. ‘He’ll never let me kiss him...’ 

Doyoung looks at him for a long moment, then smiles a little. He shares a meaningful glance with Taeyong then sighs, relieved. ‘It’s all going to be fine.’ He smiles wider, the stress is visibly leaving his body. ‘It’s all going to be fine.’ He repeats, quietly as if he’s talking to himself. 

Mark narrows his eyes at the elder for a moment, completely lost. He stares at his hyung’s face, which is now turned down, looking at the floor, hand on his chest, breathing deeply. But then, when Doyoung looks up again and stares at him with such soft, calm and reassured expression, he finally understands. 

‘Oh.’ The rapper’s eyes widen at the realisation, while Taeyong pulls him into a side hug, a smile on his face. 

Something heavy lifts off of Mark’s chest then. 

*** 

Someone knocks on the door and Donghyuck wakes from the light sleep he managed to fall into. For a moment he’s sure it’s Doyoung-hyung again, the conversation they had earlier in the evening, replies in his mind again and a heavy breath leaves his lips. 

But before he can tell the other to come in, the door opens regardless and one of his hyungs enter. It’s not Doyoung. 

Mark looks too pretty in the light make-up he still has on from his photoshoot, his features are too perfect in the orange light of the bedside lamp, so the younger turns away from him to lie on his other side on the bed, facing the wall. 

He wants to hide the ugly, sick, broken mess that the other has made him become. Love is truly is the world’s worst affliction, isn’t it? 

‘Donghyuck?’ The door clicks shut and the younger hates how much he’s missed that voice. 

He stays quiet, afraid to reply anything. There are too many words pushing at his tongue and he doesn’t trust himself enough to open his mouth when he knows well that among the hate, there are so many opposing feelings he might accidently express instead. 

The side of the double bed dips under Mark’s weight when he sits there, despite the lack of permission to do so. But then again, Mark’s made his way into Donghyuck’s heart without any permission either; hurt him without any permission... It all brings the same, old familiarity. 

‘I missed you.’ 

‘Don’t lie.’ 

Silence. 

Tears fill the younger’s eyes but he’s decided to close the door to his heart. It’s not worth leaving it open, not worth risking someone wondering inside, just to have some fun, mess it up and leave. 

‘I’m not.’ Mark sounds different but Donghyuck decides to ignore it. He recently found out that it’s easier to hate. So, so much easier. 

He senses Mark move on top of the bed and completely unexpectedly he feels another body press itself to Donghyuck’s back. An arm sneaks itself around his waist and he freezes. 

The warmth of Mark behind him, reminds him of that dream; fever-induced dream that he somehow still remembers where they were in a middle of a field. Donghyuck didn’t see his face, in the dream he didn’t turn around to see who it was sitting behind him but even without it, he was so certain it was Mark. 

‘What are you doing?’ Donghyuck asks in a shaky voice. 

Mark snuggles his face into Donghyuck’s neck and breathes deeply. It sends chills down the maknae’s back. ‘Last time I checked, it was called a cuddle.’ 

Something in the atmosphere changes, some strong knots untie, somewhere deep down in Donghyuck’s mind. He’s so tired of all this; he decides to let his worries, troubles and fears die down for a while. 

‘Why?’ He’s still curious. 

Mark doesn’t really answer the question. ‘You can push me away if you want.’ He gives him a choice instead. 

Donghyuck’s rational mind tells him he should run. He’s made a promise to himself but it all melts in the warm embrace of Mark’s arms around him. He’s wanted this type of behaviour from Mark for a long time; he’s been too bold, played with fire and got burned, yet he still can’t give it up, he can’t resist when there is a chance that it was not all for nothing. When there is a light at the end of the tunnel, he still runs, stupidly, only forwards, never looking back. 

The thing is he knows Mark and he knows this is the truth. The words and the actions are sincere, it’s not a show, it’s not a way to make up with Donghyuck, so that they can move on somehow. It’s not Mark doing something for Haechan’s sake, trying to be nice or doing it because he feels guilty but it’s something Mark is doing willingly, honestly – Donghyuck just knows it, he’s known the boy for many years now, he’s learnt the unique patterns of his personality by heart – and that’s why he’s not moving away. 

‘I know... I know I can.’ He whispers and hates how much better he starts to feel the longer they lay here together. His headache is fading away and the fever goes down. 

The small detail he doesn’t share is that he wouldn’t move away even if his life didn’t depend on this, even if he was completely healthy, he wouldn’t be able to resist this. That detail makes all the difference. 

Tears begin to flow down the youngest’s cheeks again, out of nowhere. There should be nothing left by now but the intense emotional roller-coaster of the last few days brings another wave of fresh, hot tears and soon he’s sobbing, in the dim room, in Mark’s arms. 

‘Donghyuck?’ Mark asks again, fear and nervousness is clear in his voice. 

The younger vocalist suddenly turns in the elder’s arms and buries his face in the black hoodie, hands grabbing fistfuls of the soft fabric. It smells like home and calm and safe and Mark Lee. All the things Donghyuck’s always wanted but was never allowed to really have. 

‘I hate you. I hate you so fucking much. You’re the worst human on earth, I hope you know that.’ He mumbles mindlessly into the hoodie like he’s gone crazy but after all this, can you really blame him? Despite his words, he presses even closer to the elder boy. ‘If you hurt me again, I will not only curse you too, I will get a Voodoo doll and stick the pin right into the balls.’ 

He feels Mark shake a little in laughter next to him and he smiles tiredly into the poor, crumpled, wet from tears hoodie. The stylists better let the rapper keep it because it’s gone through too much to be used by another idol ever again. 

Donghyuck pulls himself higher on the bed, closer to Mark’s face, so that he can look up at him. ‘Don’t you dare laugh; you know I would. Doyoung-hyung would help me.’ He threatens but he finds the brunette smiling down at him, eyes sparkling. 

‘I know you would but I’ll make sure you never have to do that, I promise.’ It’s strange to hear. To hear promises that he knows are not just empty words and it slowly gets stronger. That weird thing that’s been pulling him towards Mark since forever. That thing that in a crowd full of people, makes him want to be close only to Mark. The thing that craves attention and compliments only from Mark. 

They lock eyes for a long moment. Never have they looked at each other for so long before, Donghyuck is sure. The old Mark would have looked away around four seconds ago and yet the time passes and he only smiles at the younger like the idiot that he is. 

‘Stop staring at me, I look horrible.’ 

Donghyuck looks away and tries to fix his hair, running a hand through his light brown locks. 

‘That’s just your opinion. I think you look beautiful.’ Mark reaches out and lightly traces the vocalist’s cheeks with his fingertips; the touch is quite shy, like he’s exploring some foreign, new territory, the elder’s lips are slightly, delightfully open in wonder. Unknown to the other, he’s setting Donghyuck’s heart on fire; it’s burning in red, open flames, swallowing him whole. 

The gesture would make Donghyuck fall in love if he wasn’t already in so deep. He sits up on the bed abruptly. It all feels so new, so unreal. He stares down at Mark, lying on his bed, that black hair that will be the death of him and the black hoodie, light blue jeans. Mark Lee. That Mark Lee that everyone loves and he looks at Donghyuck like the younger is the only thing in the world right now. 

‘If this is just a dream, I’m gonna be beyond mad.’ 

Mark sits up too, he laughs shortly. ‘God, I really hope not. It took some courage; I didn’t even think I had in me.’ 

Donghyuck looks at the other boy and tries to see it from his perspective for a change. Mark’s always been a bit complicated, hard to figure out. Maybe Donghyuck should give him more credit. 

Right now, sitting here, he still doesn’t know when he’ll be ready to forgive him but he’s willing to give him another chance. In fact, he’s already done that. 

‘It’s stupid how in love with you I am.’ Donghyuck shakes his head, the confession rolling off his tongue naturally. 

Mark moves closer and takes his hand in his, looking up at Haechan, shyly. ‘Is it still stupid if I’m in love with you too?’ 

Donghyuck stares at the older boy like he’s gone crazy. Did he just...? But Mark is just smiling at him lightly, waiting for something and Donghyuck has no idea what to do, so he just does the first thing that he can think of, which is throw his arms around Mark’s neck and hug him tight. 

They fall back on the bed, smiling like idiots, their faces millimetres from each other. Even in the bad lighting, Donghyuck sees the rapper’s pretty eyelashes and traces of smudged, black eyeliner in the outer corners of his big eyes. 

Donghyuck licks his dry lips at the proximity, a nervous habit, then his cheeks begin to burn when he sees Mark’s eyes travel to said lips. He doesn’t resist the almost physical pull that brings them even closer. When he notices Mark’s eyes fluttering shut, he closes his eyes too and leans forward, the last tiny bit and finally their lips touch. 

It’s terrifying for the first three seconds and after that, when Mark moves his lips against Donghyuck’s it feels like falling and burning at the same time. Falling even deeper for this idiot underneath him and burning with a fire hotter than hell. It’s like every fibre of his very being, every cell in his body is being pulled apart into even smaller pieces and then deconstructed, rearranged completely into something different then put back in place again. 

Mark bites lightly on his bottom lip and oh God, this should not be allowed. Maybe that’s why it’s not. Maybe that’s why the company forbids dating, both outside and inside the group. 

Probably. 

Because how will Donghyuck ever focus on anything else ever again when Mark’s lips exist and are so damn kissable? He will have to figure it out later, somehow, he guesses. 

They separate and heavy breaths fill the silence of the night. The two can’t stop smiling at each other and on the other side of the invisible barrier, evil spirits rage with anger, once again defeated by the strength of human love.


End file.
